Co-Partnering

Co-Partnering - The practice of women openly consenting to be in a relationship or marriage with a man simultaneously with one or more other women.  Under such an arrangement the women may love, care, and be concerned for each other, and work cooperatively to build their families and communities.
 
This topic is quite a "touchy" one with a lot of Israelite sistahs! Some of them cannot handle even thinking about it, let alone discussing it, sad to say due to insecurities, low self-esteem, hurtful relationships with brothas, and some just wanting to stay ignorant of the subject!
 
In our heritage, especially during the days of our ancestors, "some" of our forefathers had more than one wife, which is defined as "Polygyny" (having more than one wife). It usually gets confused with "Polygamy" (having more than one spouse/ 'husband or wife').
 
There has been a lot of talk about this subject lately and it is mostly spoken against by sisters, due to the lack of understanding regarding the subject. Polygyny is not "open marriage". Polygyny can also be defined as "Divine Marriage" (Pleasing unto YAH). Being honest about the situation, YAHWAH did not and still today doesn't have a problem with it.
 
The question has been asked by many, why a woman would choose the polygynist lifestyle? It might be a good thing for a man, many might suppose, but why would a woman choose to share her husband with another woman or women and choose to be a polygynous wife? Why settle for the imagined subjugation, exploitation and degradation?
 
There are many myths and lies about the polygynous lifestyle, and there are many different forms and practical applications of the theory. There is no "Rule Book or Instruction Manual for Polygynous Marriage" that lays down the structure and form of this lifestyle. The only guide we have is Scripture, the Qadosh Word of YAHWAH, which should guide and enlighten each of us as we strive to be obedient to YAH's will for our lives.
 
It is, historically, a form of marriage which has been practiced all over the world, and which is much more prevalent than monogamy. It is also a form of marriage which has taken on a particularly bad connotation in Western European culture, especially in the United States. What is it about this lifestyle that raises such emotion and criticism? Why is it okay for two men to marry each other or two women to marry each other, but it is against the law of this land for a man to have more than one wife?

One of the problems is the lies and misconceptions that form this popular cultural idea of what polygyny is. Speaking as a wife and one who was once in a polygynous marriage, I have not found that women are exploited or subjugated. Rather the opposite is true. Women achieve more freedom and have more time to do that which they need and or want to do than they could in a monogamous marriage. Why? There are two or more to share the housework, the cooking, the childcare, freeing each one to have more time to herself to pursue that which YAH has directed her to do other than the responsibilities of her role at home. Women are free to speak on how they feel as long as it is in accordance with YAH and respectful of her husband whom she represents. If women stay silent, that is the problem of the individuals involved, women as well as men, not the lifestyle of the marriage. Exploitation and subjugation may occur in some situations, but that also occurs in monogamous marriages. The form of marriage is not the problem - the individuals involved in the marriage and their attitudes are the problem. A polygynous marriage based on Scriptural truths and precepts, as all marriages should be, should meet the same standards as any monogamous marriage. Husbands should love their wives, and wives should be submissive to their husbands, based on Scriptural principles.
 
To those who would argue that polygyny makes women dependent, I would say from experience that just the opposite is true. A woman married to a man with other wives is forced to have a very strong sense of who she is, what she's doing, and why she is doing it, and must maintain her own sense of identity. Her identity cannot be wrapped up in her husband's identity (those who have ears to hear, let them hear what the Spirit is saying), the way many women in monogamous marriages become, simply because her husband isn't always there. And for a woman in a polygynous marriage, that's one of the advantages. There is free time and energy to spend in getting closer to YAH. There is a built-in set of companions and friends for fellowship, for sharing work as well as play, and for help and caring. You and the sister looking to become a part of your family must become friends with you and then if there are children, get to know your children and develop a relationship with them as well. If you are secure in yourself (this is key, since the majority of women that scream -against- this w/o facts tend to be be lacking self-esteem, and this further lends to their already present insecurities!) and your relationship with your husband, there will be no need of "jealousy" in any form.
 
YAH brings people together in a family for reasons that are beneficial to- each person- and so out of every relationship in the family, we can learn and grow.
 
Polygyny is not for everyone. As long as every individual gets the time, energy, caring and compassion he or she requires, what is the problem with a man having more than one wife? I know there are a quite a few sistahs that have a problem with "their husband/man" being intimate with another woman and all that goes with that, but my question to that is why? Make the best time of it when you and he are together, because that is what the other sistah is going to do, and well she should. Making love is only part of the whole of polygyny, and not The Whole. As this Babylonian society has encouraged women to make independent choices, and individuals to fulfill their own unique potential, if a woman chooses polygyny, does anyone have the right to tell her she should not make that choice then give a list as to why it is wrong (based on their own insecurities) to try and persuade the sistah to change her mind?
 
Abuse and exploitation should not be tolerated, as they should not be tolerated anywhere. Polygyny is not abuse. It is a lifestyle ordained by YAH for some people.
 
Examine the Scriptures. There is nowhere that polygyny is spoken against. It was not only common in what some would call the Old Testament (Tanak), it was a common practice in the time of Yahoshua Ha Mashyakh (The Messiah). Yet if such a common practice was wrong, why did The Messiah not teach against it, as he did against all the other wrongs of his day? Polygyny is not for everyone. But for some, it is YAH's calling and YAH's special blessing. It must be based on Scriptural principles and lived in obedience to YAH's will, and all dynamics of Torah apply, nothing is avoided, as any monogamous marriage must be lived. It certainly has its problems and pitfalls, as does any marriage particularly when it is not a lifestyle that we are trained in this culture to live. It is a lifestyle that provides much love, fellowship, support and growth in one's walk with YAHWAH and Yahoshua The Messiah. To those whom YAHWAH has called to it, it is a special treasure.
 
That is just one of the reasons why the Virtuous Israelite Woman Sisterhood Egroup and this Website was created, to help us return back to the ways of old, back unto YAH.

Sisters, for those of you that would like to learn more, please check out the book below that gives an in-depth look at this lifestyle.  Remember, "The mind is a terrible thing to waste."  Therefore before you judge "anything," educate yourselves, then as Torah commands…”Make you a righteous judgment!”

 

Love in Messiah…